3 Unhelpful Myths About Criticism And Feedback
You know that you have to criticize others from time to time, but you also want to have a good, constructive atmosphere and work wth others in harmony. You find it difficult to criticize in a good way. All those mixed messages out there on how to get it right make you feel even more uncomfortable:
- What’s the difference between criticism and feedback, and why should you avoid criticism and give “feedback” instead?
- Why is feedback a “gift” when you actually hate to criticize?
- Using special “feedback guidelines” seems to be odd and bureaucratic. You doubt that you really need them.
You are absolutely right with your doubts and your questions are reveiling
3 Unhelpful Myths
Myth 1
There is a difference between feedback and criticism, you should avoid criticism, give feedback instead.
This is just nonsense. You also have to give negative feedback which is nothing else but criticizing. Giving positive and negative feedback are just different names for praising and criticizing.
In books, “giving and receiving feedback” has replaced criticism and praise as standard terms. Perhaps it shows more clearly the “two sides of the coin” and the necessity of also being on the receiving end, being open to criticism. Above all, it can’t mean that you should totally avoid criticism.
Myth 2
Feedback is a gift, you can “take it or leave it”.
It takes a lot to give and receive feedback. That’s where the idea of feedback as a gift comes from. Because it is so hard, you shouldn’t take it for granted and should be grateful if others are able to give and to receive feedback. You can’t force them to do it. It is like a gift you get when a feedback loop works well.
But “feedback as a gift” used in the context of “take it or leave” it and “you decide if you want to take the criticism on board and do something about it” doesn’t work. When you criticize someone you expect for example a change of behaviour, better quality or an improvement. At work, if clients give you negative feedback, you have to do something about it. Otherwise you will lose them.
Myth 3
You have to use feedback guidelines.
You don’t have to use special “feedback guidelines” at work. But it is good to know them and to be clear about what you actually want. A well-established feedback-loop is a great habit and crucial for continuous improvement and high quality. What’s your goal with having feedback? What are your expectations?
Whatever names you use and however you do it, do it and do it in a well-balanced manner: Don’t just criticize / give negative feedback, also praise/give positive feedback.
Don’t ask for feedback unless you really want it. If someone “takes the risk” and offers criticism/negative feedback, make sure that you always acknowledge their bravery. If you are a manager, don’t underestimate the imbalance of power, even if you are very good friends with your team. One or two “funny” reactions on feedback and you won’t get it any more.
Any ideas and tips you want to share? How do you give/receive feedback or criticism? What are your thoughts?
Please leave a comment.
© Jutta Nedden, Lead & Connect, 07/2013