What do we do?
Defending our false narrative, discrediting our opponent? Questioning their integrity and motivations? Manipulating facts and statistics? Really?
What creeps up on us when we realize that we are wrong? It is a sobering experience, indeed – with feelings of frustration, defensiveness and fear. With the temptation to continue with “fighting” just for the sake of it.
Being wrong is a great opportunity
Why do we want to win? Usually it is because we don’t want to show our vulnerability or don’t want to accept the truth.
How does this affect the relationship with the other person – now and in the future?
Right and wrong – winning and losing are a matter of opinion, or a product of hindsight. Is it about our personal beliefs or about the outcome we want to have in a situation? If we defend our beliefs, does it really create a good result?
What if we had the courage to
- admit that we are wrong?
- tell the other person why we are so emotional and passionate?
- ask how they feel about it and what they want?
- explain what we want or need in this situation,
- focus on meaningful connection and long term relationships instead on winning and losing?
How much time, energy and resources would this save: (re)-connecting with our heart – our feelings and needs – and connecting with the other person.
This is usually the moment when the following question pops up:
What should I do if someone insults me
even after I’ve admitted that I was wrong?
Ouch, this really hurts. You’ve tried so hard. You have admitted your mistake and your opponent lashes out again. Isn’t this a clear signal that showing your vulnerability doesn’t work and makes you an easy target? The problem is that most of us are not used to people admitting their mistakes, we are all trained to play the win-lose game. This is probably the hardest part of being courageous: you don’t have any guarantee, that your opponent “gets it” straight away and showers you with praise, compassion and empathy.
So, what could you do?
Showing your vulnerability is a choice and an attitude. If you are patient, you will experience how it cracks open hearts and connects people.
Stick to it, be patient, repeat your apology, acknowledge your opponent’s frustration or anger, ask again what they need in order to find a solution that works for both of you.
It is never easy to expose yourself, but it is worth it. It increases your confidence, and it is deliberating to get rid of masks. It is an invitation for others to do the same.
Showing up with your true self has the potential to heal broken relationships.
Today I want to
- have the courage to show my vulnerability and admit mistakes
- remind myself that long term relationships are too precious to be jeopardized by a win-lose attitude or outwitting somebody with foul tactics.
Questions
- If you would connect with your heart – your feelings and your needs – and if you were more courageous today, which conversation would you have?
- Look at the image, how could it inspire and encourage you?
Please share your thoughts and ideas.
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Project “Art Meets Business”
© Image: Karin Wurst via “Forum Art”, School of Arts & Ceramics (Kunstschule Kunst und Keramik) in Weinstadt, Germany.
60 quotes illustrated by professional artists, aiming to bridge the gap between the world of business and art. The project was initiated together with Christiane Wegner-Klafszky, founder and managing director of „School of Arts & Ceramics“ (Kunstschule Kunst und Keramik) in Weinstadt, Germany. If you would like to find out more about the project and already published quotes, visit the page Inspiration or click here to meet all artists.
© Text: Jutta Nedden, Lead & Connect, 05/2019